I’m not saying your baby stinks, but…
Does your baby suffer from bad body odor? Is he self-conscious in social situations, afraid his smell will bother others? Is your baby’s B.O. preventing her from reaching her full baby potential? Does the smell of baby make you want to spit up? If so, there is hope for both of you.
The other day, we went to the Metro. While waiting in the checkout line, I was browsing the display stand making sure there wasn’t anything I couldn’t live without. This stand happened to be selling Johnson & Johnson baby products.
In case you can’t read it, it’s baby cologne.
This led to the following conversation:
Grace: “Baby cologne? WTF, mate? I didn’t know babies needed cologne.”
Jonathan: “Yeah, I thought babies already had some special smell.”
Grace: “They do, my dear. They do.”
Instead of Eau de Baby, here are the delightful flavors you can choose from:
Morning Dew – Be warned, it’s caffeinated and your child’s first words may be “Do the Dew!”
Summer Swing – Is that a rope swing, tire swing, wooden swing, or plastic swing? A baby swing with cracker crumbs and old spit-up in it?
Powder Mist – Just in case there aren’t enough powder scented baby products out there already.
Spring Bouquet – Comes with Claritin for those of you with allergies.
Tropical Burst – Is that a burst of mosquito repellent or the burst that happens when you slap a mosquito that’s been sucking your blood?
I know Asian and Western tastes vary greatly when it comes to flavors and scents, but I was always under the impression that Westerners were the ones with the tendency to overdo the body scents. I even read in “The Lotus Eaters” about ambushes being sabotaged because the Vietnamese could smell the soap the American soldiers used to bathe. (They started covering themselves in fish sauce before going on missions.) When applying perfume, I have always tried to respect the fact, or what I assumed to be fact, that Asians prefer less scents.
In the land of fish sauce and durian, how can anyone not like the way babies smell? Can someone please explain why there is a market for baby cologne? Is this sold in Western countries?